When her husband passed away a few years ago, Martensville author Dianne Young put pen to paper in the form of a letter to herself.
It was her way of navigating the grieving process after losing her soulmate. She later expanded that into a book called ‘Dear Me: The Widow Letters’, where she invited 20 women to write a letter back in time to their newly-widowed selves. The heartfelt letters of grief, love and hope resonated with readers across the country.
In ‘Dear Me: The Mother Letters’, Young takes the concept into unexplored territory that’s every bit as terrifying and emotionally devastating to those going through it.
The loss of a child is a parent’s worst nightmare.
“After the Widow Letters, I got so much positive feedback and appreciation from widows and others who knew widows, that I decided it was a conversation that needed to be expanded,” said Young. “I have friends who have lost children, and I thought that would be the next logical step to take.
“I put out a call for letters through the ‘Compassionate Friends’ group, and I received letters from across the country.”
The letters were as poignant and revealing as those from widows.
“It’s a heavy topic,” confirmed Young. “The letters were difficult to read because the emotions were so raw, even for those who had lost children many years ago. To them the wound is always fresh.
“I could only work on the book for a few hours at a time because I would feel overwhelmed,” she added. “No matter how many times I would re-read a letter during the editing and formatting process, it was like reading it again for the first time.
“It took a lot to get through it.”
Young said even though she never experienced the death of a child, she recognized many similarities with her own “grief journey.”
“But other things took me totally by surprise,” she added. “I learned a lot in putting this book together.”
The children who are memorialized in the book range in age from very young to adulthood.
“It doesn’t matter at what age the child is when they die,” said Young. “To the parents, they are still their children and they always will be.”
Young said one of the letters that stands out for her is about a little girl named Kendra.
“I grew up with her mom, so there is a personal connection in that case,” she said. “But when you read each letter, you feel like you know each child by the end of the letter.”
Young said the one common element in all the letters is that every child’s death is unimaginably devastating.
“They’re all hard,” she said. “There is never a silver lining when a child dies.”
The 19 letters in the book were compiled early in 2020, but Young said she chose not to publish the book at that time because the COVID-19 pandemic had just taken hold.
“I just didn’t think it was the right time to do that,” she said. “With everything going on, with all the anxiety and uncertainty in the world, I felt the project needed to be put on hold for a while.”
By January of this year, she felt the time was right to publish the book.
“I think this is a very important conversation that is long overdue,” Young said. “I’m so proud of the people who contributed to the book. These were not easy letters to write; to be that open and honest and willing to share that with other people.
“They deserve a lot of credit. Obviously this book would never have been published without their effort, and I’m very grateful to all of them.”
‘Dear Me: The Mother Letters is published by Dianne Young and is available for $15 through diannesbookstore.bigcartel.com or by e-mailing dearme@sasktel.net or dianneyoung.ca . The books are available in hard copy at Saskatoon bookstores and also in an electronic version.